In Response to Jakebe...

Recently, Jakebe, a prominent writer in the furry fandom, has written a blog about me from the point of view of someone who knows me. Interesting timing, considering all of the drama that surrounded me at the moment. Jakebe hasn't spoken to me in years, but my last memories of him were someone who wrote from a balanced point of integrity toward the subject, the facts and his own perspective. I eagerly opened his blog, completely expecting him to disagree with some things I had said or done or with the way I may have handled some things. Honestly, I felt compelled to see what he had to say. From what I'd always known of Jakebe, if there might have been one person I trusted to give me a fair look at myself from the outside, it would have been him.

How people change...

This will be a theme in my response here. Change. Because the thing that people simply must realize about Jakebe is that, as he admits, he hasn't spoken to me in years. Honestly, there have been times when I wish he had. I've always had fond memories of him and never had a reason to dislike him. There had been a lingering hope for years that we might return to speaking terms again. However, the fact remains that there hasn't been a single significant conversation between us since he moved away from Arkansas in 2006, almost 10 years ago. And in that amount of time, anyone will change.

In his blog ( found here http://jakebe.com/2015/07/22/non-responding-to-drama/ ) Jakebe frequently says things like, "2 doesn't believe...", "2 doesn't care...", "This is the way 2 operates..." He seems to have a staggeringly crisp image of my inner thoughts and feelings in his crystal ball -- especially for someone who hasn't bothered to speak to me for a decade. Keep in mind that neither Jakebe nor I are the same people we were 10 years ago... even 5 years ago. Honestly, I wouldn't be writing this response at all save for the fact that Jakebe is a very legitimized writer. People read his words and they believe what he says. And I am a bit flabbergasted that he would use a platform that he has built such as this to abandon his writing integrity for what appears to be, in part, pure sensationalism.

Jakebe's blog concludes by saying that I have no place in his community that it should simply let me go, and he arrives at this conclusion through a system of irrationalities and assumptions that might be taken by some to be an accurate view of who I am. As such, I think it's very important to publish the other side of the coin and warn people to remember that Jakebe does not know who I am. This is important because he's trying to tell YOU who I am. But no matter how much he tries to legitimize the idea of "I was around 2 when he was 20, therefore I know his thoughts in his 40's", the fact remains that he does not know me and cannot tell you what I'm thinking or feeling. For someone who doesn't like straw men, Jakebe certainly created a big, mean and nasty one to kick at.

So, let's take a quick look at Jakebe.

"So under [2's] framework, there are only two options: listen to what I say and agree with me, or don’t listen to what I say and lose the right to criticize me."

That's a mean sounding statement isn't it? Jakebe is very good at drawing emotions where he wants them to go. He's a writer after all, and a good one! But look at what he's actually saying here -- that it's wrong not to criticize someone's words when you haven't even heard those words. If you're going to criticize a book, shouldn't you HAVE to read it? If a friend approached you with an opinion about a movie they had not seen, shouldn't that opinion be taken with a grain of salt? Not according to Jakebe. In his view, telling someone that you can't accept their criticism unless they actually know what they're criticizing is wrong. This is just what I did when I was approached by people with criticisms for things that I had obviously never said or done. But what Jakebe is saying that whether or not you know what you're talking about, you should be able to express your feelings about it, and those feelings should be regarded just as legitimately as anyone else's. This belief became obvious as I read his blog since it was the foundation on which some of it was written. He doesn't know me. He has no idea what I'm thinking or feeling. Yet this shouldn't prevent him from being able to tell you who I am or what I think and feel and have it considered seriously.

This was always a personality trait of Jakebe's when I knew him. He acted for all the world that he believed his emotions should be the most important thing to everyone, regardless of what they were or where they came from. In all honesty, there were times when it seemed that he might not even believe that feelings and opinions other than his even existed. I began to notice patterns in our conversations. Jakebe might say, "The weather is so nice today," to which I might reply, "Meh. It's too cold for me." Now, this would genuinely seem to perplex him. His reaction would usually be to repeat himself or claim that you didn't hear what he said. At the time, this was interesting to me, until I began to notice that any time I had a disagreement with an opinion he had in an e-mail, he would write back and repeat the parts I disagreed with or tell me I didn't pay attention to those parts.

Jakebe couldn't seem to comprehend when I would listen to his opinion, disagree and have a different one. This never seemed to register with him. "Broccoli really sucks." "Well, I happen to like it." "No, you didn't hear me. I said broccoli sucks."

I began to realize that in Jakebe's head, when he thinks or feels something, he must believe that it's what everyone would think and feel. And if that didn't match up, then there was something wrong with the person who wasn't lining up. This is the lense through which Jakebe is currently writing about me. And he's writing specifically to people who view things through that same, limited lense. Himself and his targeted audience are people who will not -- possibly CANNOT -- comprehend the idea that there are people in the world who do not feel the same way that they do.

This is a dangerous way of thinking. This is the kind of thinking that gets books banned from library shelves and movies blocked from theaters. Because in this mindset, the people who are gaining enjoyment from these things don't matter.

Jakebe doesn't care about the people my material inspires to smile or laugh or think or discuss. Jakebe doesn't care about any sadness or disappointment it might cause people if I were no longer able to speak. He doesn't care about the people that I receive mails from every day telling me how much support they have felt from me over the years or how I did indeed inspire them not to commit suicide or thanking me for being there for them during their hard times and depression to help lift them out of it and give them a smile. Jakebe doesn't care about those people because Jakebe feels that what I do and say are bad. And if he feels that it's bad, then everyone must feel that it's bad and this is the basis for a greater morality which can excusably ignore everyone who does not feel the same. Jakebe feels it's bad, therefore it's bad.

Jakebe says that I'm damaging to the community. He doesn't have to actually show any damage or explain what this damage is because that's not the point. The point is that's how he feels, and that's all that matters. Jakebe tells people what I think -- literally stating what is going on in my own brain. He doesn't have to actually know what I think because it's what he feels. I could look right into Jakebe's eyes and tell him that I'm not transphobic and this wouldn't matter. He would probably tell me I either don't know what transphobia is or that I'm lying. Unless you tell him something he already feels is true, he will dismiss it -- setting up a perspective that creates itself in its own image and cannot absorb anything that it does not already contain.

Now, Jakebe isn't the only one with this mindset. And the people with this mindset are starting to find each other and get together in a community. I think that's great! It's always good to have people around with whom you can agree and share similar views and feelings. But when you begin to collectively think in a system that creates its own higher morality and does not allow outside ideas to affect it, that's when you have to check yourself. Jakebe may feel that what I do is bad. He may even have good reasons to feel that what I do is bad. But what he needs to realize is that the fact that he feels badly toward what I do is not universally important to everyone. He is in a community where feelings are of the utmost importance -- even more valuable than the feelings of people outside that community. But there are other places, other communities and other people who simply do not assign the value to Jakebe's (or anyone's) feelings that he believes they should have to everyone. Jakebe needs to understand that this difference in value is not "wrong". It's not evil, dismissive or "bad". It's simply a different way to live one's lifestyle.

Jakebe's representation of me is created from conclusions that he can only reach with a perspective based on himself and his own feelings. If I behave in a certain way he will tell you that I must feel a certain way because that's how he would behave if he felt that way. It's not an entirely unreasonable assumption, right? But since his collection of tools with which to create a perception of me is limited to only his emotions, thoughts and responses, he is essentially not telling people who I am -- he's telling you who he'd be if he was me.

To be fair... much of Jakebe's blog about me is accurate, particularly the parts he speaks of when we were both living in Arkansas. There are a few things I remember that he might not and some things that I have a slightly different perception of -- likely just the normal degradation of memory that many years tends to slap you with. And no matter now critical he is of me, it's ALL well written. I recall one point of annoyance in our relationship to each other was Jakebe's tendency to pass out asleep almost anywhere. The poor guy would never voluntarily sleep. He would simply keep going until his brain would shut him off in the middle of whatever he was doing... in front of the TV, at the movie theater, on the toilet -- even once in the middle of a soccer field when he was walking home, if I recall. Looking back on it, it was a good part of my life and I view it fondly, as does he apparently.

Where the blog starts to take its turn into fantasy is where he begins his projections of the way I think and feel currently. He says I will never apologize. Well, that's just not true. I've apologized for things many times and continue to. But I feel it's dishonest to apologize for things I genuinely feel I am not responsible for. What more empty words can there be than "I'm sorry," if you are, in fact, not sorry? I think what Jakebe wants from me is to honestly feel sorry for things that he might feel sorry for or that he believes I should feel sorry for, but again -- people are different.

Jakebe says that I dismiss criticism as "hate" and won't respond to it. Yet here I am, responding to HIS criticism after making a video responding to even more criticism. He says he watched that video. I notice he did not correct himself or acknowledge that I did the very thing he had just said I don't do. But again, I would ask Jakebe -- what would you want me to do? Jakebe doesn't have a tap to my phone, e-mail or social media. He doesn't see what I see. Perhaps he doesn't realize that my Twitter window scrolls once every 15 seconds and I don't see everything that comes through. Perhaps he doesn't know that a message such as, "Lololo old fucking stupidface U suck and R not funny U should die" is simply NOT criticism. And when I say that I hadn't yet received any real criticism to respond to that I actually hadn't.

In the end, Jakebe continues to create arguments against me by projecting his emotions onto my actions, assuming my thoughts and feelings and then disagreeing with them, the point of which seems to be to take advantage of the current rush of interest in the situation and cater to the pitchfork and torch wielding villagers who have just discovered that there is a witch in their village. So as you read his blog, do remember to keep this in mind and, as with those who haven't really read the book, take his concoction with a grain of salt.

Jakebe is correct in his account that I have become less mindful of the opinions of people out there. That's a criticism and a charge that I will accept and recognize. And the reason for this is because, having been in my business for more than 15 years, you begin to understand that no matter what you do, someone is going to react critically or hatefully toward it. When you get a negative comment from someone with every step you take, it's simply human nature for that negativity to eventually become background noise. Jakebe and I were still in contact with each other when this began happening to me. In this case, the only result from focusing on every negative thing you hear would be to shut up and walk away. There's no possible way to make everyone happy. But I made the decision, right or wrong, to continue to make some people happy, even if others felt upset by what I do. In my estimation, the ones who are upset are perfectly capable of avoiding what I say and for me, that was good enough to inspire me to continue thinking positively and move forward with my comedy, which I will continue to do.

In the end, Jakebe's perceptions seem to be just as shaped by his voice as I have by mine. His blog wasn't about me, it was about his version of me. He sees his world and describes me as I would be as a character within that frame, just as I see my world and do the same of government and social issues. Which one of us is right and which one wrong? The answer is neither. We're showing you our perceptions of the world as we see it. The only difference is, Jakebe cannot tolerate my voice intruding into his world, and that's where I believe he needs to consider his ideas on this matter.

Jakebe says I have no place in his community, but I believe his community is smaller than he thinks it is. Because not every person in his sub-culture feels and thinks the way he does, and I know he's intelligent enough to recognize that. If his "community" is a collection of people who feel that their own feelings should be everyone else's reality then yes... it's time to let me go from that community.